Here we go again...

I wasn't sure that I should blog about this even before it begins, but I decided that my journey to have a child has always been an open book, mainly because I hope that others will benefit from my lessons. So I felt it was the right thing to do. So here goes...

I went to the fertility specialist today, for the first time in over 2 years. We met to talk about implanting the last embryo that is frozen. (Sidebar--for those of you who are not of a medical background, an embryo is formed from an egg and a sperm. Two years ago, we made 3 embryos in a petrie dish, implanted 2, which did not stick, and froze 1). We discussed that the process would start in July (the dr is going on vacation for 4 weeks), as well as the odds of it working. But something was different in that office today than was there 2 years ago. GOD was there. Now don't get me wrong, I knew God was in control back then too, but I think I felt that I needed to be in control more than Him. But today, the whole time I kept thinking, "He is in control--not me, not the doctors, and not advanced medical techniques." If this is supposed to work, it will, plain and simple. The "25% chance" we talked about are human odds, not God's odds. And we all know God's odds are the best.

What I need is prayer to KEEP this attitude throughout the entire process. Because what I WANT to do is search for signs that it will work. Signs that have already crossed my mind, like for the first time since I started working for my employer (4 years), we have short-term disability insurance starting July 1; signs like, I have a foot injury, and being pregnant would let my foot heal for a good 9 months; signs like, I would be due around my 35th birthday, which was a goal for me. But I should not look to these things to tell me it will work this time, because I KNOW my God is in control and only He knows the answer. That is the difference between today and 2 years ago--back then I knew it in my head, and today I know it in my heart.